Ep 175 - Over-Planning vs. Self-Trust: How to Lead Effectively

If you’re over-planning your way out of trusting yourself... this episode is a must.

Structure isn’t bad. But when planning becomes a coping mechanism, you lose the magic of self-trust.

🎧 In episode 175 of the Get Jasched podcast, I’m sharing:

— The difference between control and clarity

— Why over-preparing blocks embodiment

— How to rebuild internal trust (without losing momentum)

You don’t need another colour-coded plan (or not JUST that)... you need to learn to trust yourself. In this episode, I talk about the sneaky ways over-planning kills your leadership impact, how self-trust is built, and what to do when you feel like you’re spiralling without a structure.

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Got a thought or story to share? Reach out via Instagram at @j_.leigh , on LinkedIn at Jess Jasch, or https://j-leigh.com.au/ - I’d love to hear from you!

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Transcript

Hello, everyone.Welcome to another episode of Get Jasched.I am your host, Jess Jasch, and today's episode, we're, we're back with a reallyI feel like every episode I say, "It's a really important conversation," and yet here we are.It's a really, really important conversation, and today we are really focusing on over-planning versus self-trust.So it's the difference between controlling and leading, right?And, and I say it's really important because it is where a lot of us experience our undoing.I say "us" because I am involved with this, I understand this feeling, I understand this experience, and it is something that I am constantly, even still, um, working on.It's not something that is a set and forget, that is something that, you know, you, you update or you change or you work on and then you never have to think about it again.This is something that becomes, yes, more of a habit, but it still does take some time to really practice and to really let it become part of you and how you show up.So we are exploring that fine line between healthy preparation, and there is a healthy preparation, right?There is an element of planning that is healthy preparation, and then over-planning.So the fine line between those 2, because excessive control can mask a lack of self-trust.Uh, so, and I say this I say this as an autistic person who loves a plan.Love a plan.Really fucking love a plan.Uh, and I think for me it's the autism versus the ADHD, which is, I wanna be rooted in presence and adaptability and embodied trust and not too rigid, because I wanna be able to flow as well.So for anyone who doesn't, um, identify as, as, as those types of neurodivergence, this is really important, because there is going to be different ways that each of us work differently, right?And we also wanna make sure that we are finding that fine balance between, we're setting up a plan, we're working on this plan, everything's great for us, and, um, having space to flow and respond and being present so that we can respond in real time, because sometimes we over-plan so much that if something unexpected or something new, even if it's a goodthing, something new comes along, it feels like a bigger deal than it needs to and it feels harder to go with it, even if it is something good for us.So this is why we have this very, very important conversation, because you're either leading or you're managing or trying to manage every possible outcome so that nothing goes wrong.And here's the hottest tip I've ever given myself is, that's not how it works, unfortunately.That is not how it works, and that does not how, um, w- we get toIt doesn't stop things from going wrong.Put it that way.Um, because you want to be, especially in leadership, but we're also talking about just personal well-being, I think, at this point as well.You wanna be able to, umI hate using this word, but you wanna be able to pivot when things shift, but still be prepared and planned enough to take you through to the finish line.So here is the, the planning trap that can happen, because planning is not the enemy here.I wanna make that really clear.Planning is not the enemy.Some people might actually need to plan more.Some people are flying by the seat of their pants a little too much and then wondering why things don't work out, right?So there is a spectrum here.Don't just take exactly what I say and assume that it fits your, where you're at, right?So that's where we're gonna have this whole conversation, but planning is really useful.It is useful.It is strategic.It can be grounding.It really is grounding.Sometimes when we feel a little too flighty, a little too uncertain, sometimes we need something to plan.Sometimes life will have those circumstances where we can't plan the things we really wanna plan or need to plan, and that's where we need to practice just presence and planning each moment, right?We need to change that relationship with it.But planning itself is not a bad thing.Planning is really, really useful.It can be a really good strategy.It's really grounding.It can give us relief or, uh, relief from anxiety, I mean, or relief from stress if we feel like we have a plan of how we will respond if something were to happen, right?So there is this element of knowing that there is a contingency plan or there is a something in place in case maybe the worst-case scenario happens, or in case something bad happens, and then we know that there is a plan.So governments, most governments will, will have, um, a pandemic plan, for example.Most governments actually do have a pandemic plan before the most recent one.Um, they have a plan in place of what happens if there's an outbreak.Uh, many areas that are, um, s- susceptible to things like cyclones or hurricanes or typhoons, depending on where you are, um, they will have a plan in place.Some areas learn, unfortunately, after the fact that their plan wasn't adequate, right?So there's always a constant learning, and we're talking about big things here, but if we just talk about- if we acknowledge that this is a thing that is really, really important, and then narrow it down to our own context, then we can look at where over-planning is not important, or rather not helpful.Over-planning is where it steps into rigidity and perfectionism and this illusion of control, whereas planning can help to reduce stress and allow enough structure and stability and, and scaffolding for creativity.Over-planning can actually increase stress and reduce the ability to be creative, the ability to, um, for you or your team to take initiatives and be creative and look at something different that might be more innovative.Over-planning can actually stifle that.I'll give you an example.It's a really benign example.Um, when I first started teaching yoga, ah, 10 years ago almost, holy moly, um, when I first started teaching yoga, the idea was because you, you know, usually when you teach a class you have a, a certain amount of time that you have to take the class through their flow and then bring them back down and give them their savasana, their relaxation to finish by the time that class, uh, time finishes, and that's important because, uh, you want to respect people'stime and you want to respect their, their own nervous systems and their own ability to not have to worry or stress about, "Are we done yet?I need to go here next."Like, you know, you just, you fit in this time, so whether that's 60 minutes, 75 minutes, whatever it was.And the i- the idea was that you could, um, you could plan out your class pose by pose, transition by transition, whatever that is, right?And for a flow yoga class, sometimes this can be helpful if, especially if it's, you know, a more active class or a longer class that you want to be able to, um, make sure that you are both filling it up but also remembering what you do from side to side or being creative with it.So there is an element that is really useful and strategic and grounding as a teacher to have a plan in that way, to be able to know that you're not just throwing it together off the top of your head for the students while you're in the class.There's actually a plan that might prepare their body for a peak pose or whatever, whatever the idea or intention of the class is, right?And while I found that useful, I also very quickly realized that while I was actually teaching the class, if I was trying to follow whatever I've written down literally next to me, especially in a flow class, restorative and yin is a bit different because it's just, it's a lot more grounded.I'm not sort of in the flow with the class, I'm holding the flow for the class.But in a flow class, if I'm trying to teach and follow every single step, I am out of my body.I am ungrounded.I am not present to the students in front of me, to what their experience might be as I'm not as present as I should be.I'm in my head, I'm distracted because I'm trying to look at this piece of paper and follow it to the plan, and, and it's always a best guess of how it fits in to the time, like the time, right?Like, some- sometimes you, you really nail it, sometimes you're a little bit off and that's fine but I quickly learnt that having a step-by-step-by-step exact plan was not the best way for me to teach because, well, A, students weren't getting the best version of me as a teacher because I wasn't present.I wasn't able to pay as much attention to them and be with them in the room.I was more with me and my piece of paper, right?Um, but also, it also meant that I couldn't liter- this pun is unintended, but I couldn't go with the flow.I couldn't go with the flow that was the class, that was noticing energy in the room and how people might be responding, and maybe making adjustments or, um, you know, realizing that the timing might be off so I need to adjust along the way and make sure it's balanced.So, I l- that, that made it more stressful for me, it made it feel less creative for me, and I'm, I'm not convinced that it actually gave the best possible experience in any given moment to the students who were paying to be there.So I figured out a, a, an in-between where I would figure out the theme or the pose I wanted to work up to and a couple of things that I wanted to hit along the way.Or maybe a thing I wanted to play with, whether it was direction on the mat, whatever, whatever the thing is, because sometimes things don't n- need to be as over-complicated either.But I would figure out what that was and have them in mind, and thenand then go with the flow.Pun not intended, but it works.But then actually just be present and take them through some things.If there was something new or something that I hadn't done in a while that I wanted to add, I just made sure that that was in there.But it wasn't exact pose by pose by pose written down.Because I was way more present, I was able to be a lot more grounded and help hold that grounding space, and it wasn't as stressful of an experience when, you know, sometimes leading or facilitating can benot stressful, but it is energy work, right?Um, soso there's a lot of different ways that this can show up, um, that makes it really useful to play with and explore in your own context, because if we think about self-determination theory even, with control versus autonomy, if we are over-controlling, as leaders, if we're over-controlling, we are taking away the opportunity, uh, and undermining the autonomy and then motivation of ourselves or the people we are leading,right?If we're trying to over-control.Um, and if we think about the a- we're building a skill to be more psychologically flexible, right?So, there is adaptive functioning, so being adaptive to the m- to the moment.That is linked to well-being, where rigidity can predict stress and poorer outcomes of whatever the thing is that you're focusing on.So if we are looking at why we are, why we need to really consider how we are approaching this idea of control, th- there is research behind it.There is, um, there is actual data and actual experiences that tell us why this is important.If we think about our relationship with over-planning, over-planning, and I mean over-planning, not planning, not having a plan, not having a contingency even, I mean over-planning, it can signal a fear of failure, so it's that perfectionism in the sense of, "I cannot fail.What happens if I fail?I need every scenario covered."Right?And again, there's gonna be times, and e- depending on the level of responsibility.I gave some government examples, right?Government have a, have a responsibility, um, to their people that they serve because they are public servants.They're not in power, they are in service.Uh, they have a responsibility, so they do need to have a lot of different contingency scenarios covered, right?And as a leader, sometimes you need certain things in place, but we're talking about the day-to-day.If you are so caught on perfectionism, it can indicate a fear of failure, and it's okay to not want to fail.th- I don't like failing.I, I amI'm someone that if there is a new sport in front of me, for example, and someone says, "Oh, come in and play," I wanna be immediately good at it, so sometimes I'll hesitate to step in if I don't know how to play it, 'cause I don't know if I'm gonna be good at it, right?So I get, I get it.And we need to really just be aware of the lack of trust in ourself that over-planning can signal, like, in ourself to handle the unknown, to handle what we don't know yet, and the lack of trust it can indicate or instill in our team, saying, "Well, I don't believe you can rise to the moment," a lack of trust in the process.Um, in the sense that not everything can be controlled, so this is wherewe, we need to sort of assess what is actually informing that need to control?Is it a very pragmatic, this is a responsibility and it's going to create trust.It's going to, um, create scaffolding or create stability or create a foundation for us to then grow or thrive from or flow with.Or is it t- to, to follow everything to the letter?Which is where a lot of micromanagement comes in.It's people are trying to help the team members and going, "All right.Follow this exactly."And you want to make sure that is an approach in scaffolding and foundation, not a, you have to say exactly this.Right?So there's an element there.But leadership, when we talk about leadership, we have to remember leadership as vision, as presence, as adaptability, and foundational.And over control as micromanagement, as rigidity, as anxiety-driven.So if you're a leader who's anxious, and I don't mean, 'cause I- I- I get anxiety, right?So I don't mean you're not allowed to feel anxious or experience anxiety in order to be a leader, right?I'm not saying that you're not a good leader if you have those experiences.But if your leadership decisions and behavior is anxiety-driven, that sucks for your people and for yourself.Um, so we're looking at the behavior.What is informing your behavior?Not your experience, not the fact that you might be feeling something or experiencing something yourself, but if how you then let your behavior speak or show up is anxiety-driven, is informed only by that, then we, we need to sort of look at how can we come back to vision?Right, we know the vision already.How can we come back to presence?We know what is right here and what the next, very next step is.And how can we come back to adaptabil- ad- adaptability, which is, okay, I trust myself enough to, if all I can see is the next step, like I, imagine you have a path.It might be windy.You don't know, 'cause you can't see the path.You can see the vision.And you can see your very next step.And the rest of the path might be a little foggy.It might be dark.It might be unknown, but you can see a certain amount, and all you need to be able to see is that next step.And know the trust that whatever bou- uh, whatever boulders or obstacles you come across, at any point along the path, you will know better how to handle that or how to adapt to that once you get there, not from the start line.It sounds cliche and cheesy, but it is that way because it's true.So really keep coming back to that, because when we are in over-controlling leadership, we stifle innovation.Um, and as I said, team members just stop taking the initiative, and we stifle flow theory.Like, we stifle pe- people being in the flow.So flow theory, uh, speaks to true performance thriving and adaptive, not over-engineered conditions, right?Because we also don't know everything.So we can't possibly create the exact perfect environment or engineered environment for things to thrive, because we don't know everything and we will never know everything.And we also don't know everything that will happen and we will never know everything that will happen.We can be as prepared as we can.There is a great thing in preparation.But flow theory means that we also need to, in our preparation, acknowledge basically that we may need to be adaptive.If, in our preparation, we are assuming that we are completely prepared and nothing else will happen, that's the rigidity.And again, it all comes down to self-trust.So self-trust is our confidence in our ability to handle whatever arises, whatever is next on the, like, whatever is next on that path that we can't see, but I mean next, not ahead, not up ahead, but just next, what we can see.And self-trust, and if you haven't figured that out yet from that analogy, it also means that it's about being built by notSelf-trust is not based on what is certain.Self-trust is built through experience and knowing we can recover, practicing recovery when we, when we slip or mess up.Self-trust, if we are, if we are basing self-trust on what we are certain of, then it's not self-trust.That's just not how it works, but self-trust is built by knowing we can take that next step, we can recover, we can do something.We're not seeking to make mistakes, but we can recover.We've practiced it because we've allowed ourselves to be in the process, and this is what allows us as leaders to plan strategically, be prepared, and stay flexible when things change.It's just a really, really important thing.It's like, it's the reason that we, some of us might do, or it's the reason I do, I also need it for my insurance, but I also make a point of it anyway.Um, it's the reason that some of us might keep on top of our first aid qualifications because that is not based on certainty.We do not know exactly if and when we might need any of those skills, the ability to calmly enough call emergency services, the ability to treat someone's injury or, um, treat or stabilize someone's injury until paramedics arrive, the ability to do whatever, right?That is an uns- that is so uncertain, but we are building the skill so that we have it more as an ins- an ins- an instinctual experience in our bodies, even if it's not in the real life.And I've, I've had an experience where I've been witness to a, uh, a significant, um, uh, crash and needing to just respond and call 000, our emergency here, and, and, and just talk through what is going on and then use those skills to just kind of help support everyone else who was there supporting, right?Until the trained people show up, but I couldn't have said for certain exactly when that was gonna happen.I couldn't have predicted that was gonna happen or that I was gonna see it or that I was gonna be in exactly what that role was, whatever it was, right?So we build self-trust through preparation, but experience and recovery, if we are aligning self-trust with what certainty, with certainty and what we think is certain, that is not trust.That is not trust.All right?So we need to stay flexible for when things change.We need to assume self-trust is the ability to handle what shows up based on our preparation, not based on what we know exactly or what we think we know exactly, right?So this is gonna be different for everyone, I know, and some signs that we might be over-planning.Um, and, and look, some of these show up for me too from time to time, and that's when I can check myself and go, "Oh, okay, I see."So some signs in a practical sense that you or we or me might be over-planning, uh, if you are so caught up on your endless checklist that you're not actually starting the thing.Who feels called out?Me.Uh, I, I pick up on this every time I go to start an assignment for uni for my master's, and I know enough at least to know that I just kind of need to put something, whether it's research notes or something on the page just to get me started, because I could keep re-reading the description or whatever it is of that assessment or that assignment, and, and itcan take me a minute to actually start if I don't check myself, right?So sometimes I just put in the headings, whether the headings are meant to be there, like remain there or not, I put in the headings of the things that they are asking us to do 'cause then it's on the page, on, on the other page and I go, "All right, I've got my layout," right?So that's how I get myself out of it, but that is also a sign of just getting caught in the checklist that I'm not actually starting.It could be your to-do list.It could be a new project you want to do.It could be, um, meetings upon meetings, right?You know, traditional workplace, it could be having a meeting about the meeting and then, oh, we could have another meeting, but not actually doing anything or not actuallyWhich leads to the next point, delegating.So if you're not delegating or you have a fear of delegatingOr if you're in the space of, "Well, it's just easy to do it myself," it's easier once to do it yourself, but it takes that once to teach someone else how to do it.Most of the time, for most things, if it's something you can delegate, it's just a matter of teaching the other person, and then it is easier for them to do it.So we have to look beyond that next step, and often when, with delegation, we see that next step as, "Well if I'm tea- taking the time to teach them, I may as well just do it."Yes, for this one time, but you're teaching them to do it beyond just this one time.You're teaching them to do it beyond, whereas you're nearsighted here.Like, you're just like, "Oh, I'm justI'm just focusing on this once."So if you have a fear of delegation, you're- might be in that over-planning, over- over-preparation, umOoh, another sign is, look, this is also a very valid thing too, but we're gonna get into it.Another sign is frustration when other people don't do things your way.Sometimes, there is just a most efficient way to do something.I'm gonna admit that this is something that I know that many of us struggle with in a lot of different contexts, but let's consider this.In a leadership context, you can teach someone and maybe even write it down as a process, depending on that context, how you do it.Use that as a framework.Maybe highlight or mark the necessary bits depending on if there's compliance involved or if you need that record or whatever it is, right?Highlight the actual, like, you need to hit these points.Regardless of how you get this done, you need to hit these points.Clear.That's clear communication.And from there, let people find their way.Let people find their way that works best for them because we all work differently.As long as they are hitting those points and maybe there's a timeline as well involved that you need to specify, great.Specify it.As long as they're hitting those points and hitting the timeline required, let people work the way that they work best, and they will find their way.You can give them the, the framework.You can give them the foundation and go, "This is how I do it.Try it.Hit these points regardless of how you do it.Try this but then adapt it based on what you need."'Cause there are an infinite number of reasons why we need to give autonomy to other people to do things their way, but we can help by giving them the framework of how we do th- things.And again, the communication of what they do need to hit regardless.I cannot emphasize this enough.People need to, need the autonomy to work the way they work best.If that, if you, if they are still really learning in, in the industry or in their role if, you know, like, if they're still really learning, you can give them the framework and help encourage them, and maybe part of your role as a leader is to help them find the way that works best for them, but you need to encourage it.It might be a little frustrating at first, but as a leader, you need to encourage it.And I, I use this as a, as a reason often, um, in the sense of, if we look at, uh, from my experience as being autistic, being ADHD, I work a very specific way in a very specific environment.I work best in a very specific way.And when I haven't been able to have autonomy over that or even part autonomy over that while still getting the work done, that is when I have suffered.Which means that my work suffers, which means that, you know, like, there's that flow and effect.So as a leader, know that for yourself but also know that for your people, and this is where you have to build trust.You have to work on your own trust issues here.This is really, really important.Uh, and another sign that you're overplanning is constantly rehearsing conversations or outcomes.Again, welcome to neurodivergence.In a lot of cases, this is maybe what we do.Uh, I do this a lot as an Autistic person.Maybe you do too.Maybe you, you do it anyway, regardless.You can prepare a conversation, prepare for an outcome, prepare the first thing you might say, but if you're constantly compulsively, I mean, really compulsively rehearsing, you are, um, possibly creating more stress than you need to.So how do we shift from that over-control into more trust?It takes time, it takes practice.Takes time and practice.We can practice our embodiment skills, right?That embodied check-in.We can notice the tension that might show up in our mental tension, thoughts, in our bodies.Notice tension when you cling to certainty.If anything, it's meant to make you feel, like certainty, technically, if it's real at all, I don't think it is, but it, it's meant to make you feel more relaxed, right?Because you're like, oh, I, I can trust, it's certain.Not make you me- feel more stressed.So if you are tense when you're clinging to certainty, it might be an indication that you're in over-control.So do the embodied check-in.A- acknowledge it.Set the container or the outcome or the goal, not the script.So often people really just want scripts that they can work with, especially in the work that I do with them, um, and I get that.I'm, I do too from time to time.Um, and it's not that that's impossible to deliver or provide, right?And there is an element that we do, but we need to make sure that when we are talking, talking scripts, we are, we are also simultaneously, or before we even get to scripts, doing the work on what gets us there.So that is clarifying values and outcomes that you want, the goal you wanna get to, but leaving enough space for how to get there, especially if it involves another person.That is then beyond just your own mind, your own thought process, so you cannot pro- you cannot plan for exactly how they will respond because they are a, an entirely other mind and thought process.So when it comes to these conversations as a leader or whatever context that conversation is happening in or for whatever need, you can set the container which means just clarifying the outcome that you both want to get to."Right, so we both want to get to this point, yeah?We both really know that this is really important.Awesome.Okay.This is what I think.What do you think?"You know, whatever that is, so see how there's like little bits that we can use, there's lines that we can use to instigate the conversation, but we cannot set up an entire script because if it goes off the rails or even if it doesn't go off the rails, if someone else says something that you didn't plan on in your script, then what?Then it adds extra stress instead.And to shift from control to trust, we need to look at the planning rule around what is good enough.We cannot plan 100% because we cannot be 100% certain of exactly everything that will happen or come up or unforeseen things, we cannot know.Can we plan to 70%?Have the outline, have the framework, go, "Yep, this is what we're sure of, we're good, we're good if we can get to this point," and leave the other 30% for what emerges.Or have an idea, call it an idea of what we might do with that other 30%, but we're gonna just, you know, allow"We've got a plan," but if we're, i- i- it's, notice the difference even in how I'm saying it, how we talk about it."Yep, we got a plan and we'll figure it out along the way," rather than, "This is our plan and this is exactly what's gonna happen."It's very narrow-minded and narrow-focused and it doesn't allow for us to see other possibilities, other things that we learn along the way.So good enough is good enough.Done is better than perfect is another way to say this.So really consider how you plan and how you talk about the plan, even the tone in which that comes about.And practice this self-trust.Go back and identify times where you have succeeded without perfect preparation, where something happened even better because you were in the flow of it.And you couldn't have prepared it that way, 'cause you couldn't have known.The thing happened.Go back and, and remind yourself of the, all those times.They will, they will exist.I promise.Some of it may exist because you had prepared what you did, but s- but in those scenarios there's always gonna be an element of, it wasn't perfect preparation.So look for the moments that, that showed up that you were able to flow with and you couldn't have prepared saying that perfect thing in that perfect way, right?That's the practice.Just go back and remind yourself of that too.'Cause the impact you can have as a leader when you practice it this way is you're leading your team from trust, developed trust, real trust, not fanciful, not, "I'm trusting you," when they're blatantly, you know, w- doing the opposite, but you're developing this, this co- co-relationship and trust that can result in higher psychological safety.It allows room for more creativity, which means innovation or more engagement.And for you as a leader who can trust yourself, that means you can pivot in uncertainty.It means you can model calm under pressure, which is the, the environment you wanna create more of.You don't necessarily wantWhy would you want to create chaos under pressure in the sense of where everyone's griping at each other, everyone's toxic towards each other?I mean that kind of chaos.Not the kind of people who thrive in chaos where it's just intense.Intense is different to toxic, right?So you're modeling calm under pressure.You're modeling how you can still show up even if things are uncertain, and it helps to inspire your people or/and teach your people how to trust themselves too, which is such a gift.What a powerful leader.They, uh, those leaders who do this are the ones that we hear about, are the ones that we've revered, that we go, "Oh, wow.That is a great example of leadership."So, to close us off, consider where in your leadership are you planning to control at this point instead of trusting yourself to lead, and what would shift if you let go of the illusion of certainty?You can feel confident without that illusion of certainty.So how can you let go of overplanning this week?Have a think about it.When you listen to this, jot some, almost like, first to mind is the best, the best one to work on, right?So jot something down if it comes to mind, um, and share it with me.Share it in your stories or in a post.Tag me in it.Let, let us all know, because the more we talk about this, the more we can make it easier on ourselves and each other as well.So, that's all I have for you this week.I can't wait to hear from you and hear how this practice works for you, because it is nuanced.It is gonna be very personal to each different person, but these are things we can actually look at and go, "Ooh, is this something that I might be doing a little too much of?"And go from there.All right.Thank you so much for being here with me.I will see you next week.